Shraddh for someone who died abroad, or whose date you do not know

The short answer

If you do not know the tithi on which someone died, or if records were never kept, perform their shraddh on Sarva Pitru Amavasya, 10 October 2026. This day covers every ancestor whose tithi is unknown, forgotten, or disputed, that is its whole purpose. If the person died suddenly, in an accident, or very young, Chaturdashi on 9 October is specifically set aside for them, though Amavasya works too. The three things that actually matter are: water mixed with black sesame (til), a lamp, and setting aside a portion of food for a crow, a cow, or a dog before you eat. You do not need a pandit, a priest, or a specific location. This is your act, and you can do it at home.

Step by step

1. Wake up and bathe before anything else. A simple bath is enough. You do not need to fast the whole day, but eat only after you have completed the ritual.
2. Set aside a clean space. A corner of the kitchen floor or a table works. Place a lamp there. If you have no ghee, any oil lamp or even a candle is fine.
3. Cook a simple meal. Rice, dal, a vegetable, whatever you normally make. The point is that it is cooked at home with care. Leftovers or takeout are not suitable for this day.
4. Before serving anyone, take a small portion of every dish and set it on a leaf, a piece of newspaper, or a small plate. This is the portion for the ancestors.
5. Fill a small vessel with water and add a pinch of black til (sesame seeds). Hold it in both hands, think of the person you are remembering by name if you know it, and pour it slowly onto the ground outside, or into a plant, or down a drain if you are in a flat. Say what is in your heart, no formula is required.
6. Place the food portion outside for a crow, a cow, or a dog. If you live in a high-rise with no access to animals, leave it at the base of a tree or a quiet corner outside the building. The gesture is what counts.
7. Light the lamp and sit quietly for a few minutes. You do not need to recite anything you do not know. Remembering the person clearly and wishing them peace is the act.
8. Feed one person before you eat yourself. This can be a neighbour, a family member, anyone. If that is not possible today, give food or money to someone who needs it.
9. Then eat. The day is done.

What to offer

For the water offering, you need only these:

• Water (tap water is fine)
• Black til / black sesame seeds
• A small vessel you can hold in both hands

For the food offering, from an ordinary kitchen:

• A small portion of cooked rice
• Dal or any lentil preparation
• A cooked vegetable
• If you have it, a small piece of jaggery or a fruit alongside

Nothing needs to be bought specially. The simplicity is not a compromise, it is the original form.

If this is you

You are doing this for the first time, alone, with no elder to ask

You are not doing it wrong just because no one taught you. The steps above are enough. If you feel uncertain, say that out loud to the person you are remembering, that you are new to this, that you are trying, that you hope it reaches them. That honesty is not a mistake; it is the whole point of the day.

You are a working person with twenty minutes before office

Do the water and til offering before you leave, it takes under five minutes. Set the food portion aside before you go and ask someone at home to place it outside, or do it yourself when you return in the evening. The lamp can be lit at night. Practice varies by family, but the intention and the act matter more than the hour.

You are living abroad and cannot travel to India

You do not need to. The shraddh is not tied to a river, a temple, or a geography. Do it in your kitchen on 10 October. Use whatever sesame seeds you have, white sesame works if black is not available in your city. Pour the water into a pot plant or outside your door. Feed a neighbour or donate to a food bank. The person you are remembering is not waiting for you at the Ganges; they are wherever your memory of them lives.

You are a daughter and your family says you should not do this

This is an area where practice genuinely varies by family and region, there is no single rule. Many families do not allow daughters to perform shraddh; many others do, especially when there is no son or when the daughter is the one who is present. If your family objects, you can light a lamp, offer water quietly, and hold the person in your mind without making it a point of conflict. Your remembrance is real whether or not it follows a form the family recognises.

Why this day matters

Pitru Paksha exists on a simple idea: the people who came before you shaped the life you are living, and once a year you turn around and acknowledge that. Sarva Pitru Amavasya is the last day of the fortnight, and it was always meant to catch everyone who fell through the gaps, the ancestor whose name was forgotten, the child who died before anyone thought to record a tithi, the person who died in a foreign country with no family present.

Chaturdashi, the day before, carries a specific weight. It is for people who died suddenly, in accidents, in violence, in illness that came without warning. The tradition recognises that these deaths leave a different kind of grief, one that often comes with guilt or shock rather than the slower sorrow of a long illness. This day is an acknowledgement that their departure was not ordinary, and neither is the mourning.

The shraddh is not about whether you believe in what happens after death. It is about the fact that someone existed, that they mattered to you, and that you are willing to stop for an hour and say so. The crow that eats the food, the person you feed, the water you pour, these are ways of making an internal act visible.

If you could not attend the funeral, because you were abroad, because you were not told in time, because travel was impossible, this day is also for you. The guilt people carry about that is real, and it is worth saying plainly: the shraddh is something you can do now. It is not a replacement for what you missed, but it is a door that is still open.

Common questions

I do not know the tithi at all. Which day do I use? Use Sarva Pitru Amavasya, 10 October. That is exactly what the day is for. You do not need to research or guess the tithi, performing shraddh on Amavasya is considered valid for any ancestor whose tithi is unknown.

What if the person died on Dwadashi? In 2026, Dwadashi does not get its own sunrise in the Pitru Paksha calendar. Most printed calendars will not mention this. The Dwadashi shraddh is kept on 7 October, alongside Ekadashi. If this applies to you, do it on 7 October.

Can I do this if I am not the son? Does it count? Practice varies by family and region, and there is no single answer that applies everywhere. Many families perform shraddh through whoever is present and willing. If you are the one who remembers and the one who is there, that is not nothing.

What if I cannot take a day off work and have almost no time? The water and til offering takes five minutes. The food portion can be set out before you leave. The lamp can be lit in the evening. You do not need a full day. Do what you can; the intention behind even a small act on this day is the point.

Work out your own family’s day. A shraddha follows the tithi the person died on, not the calendar date, so it moves every year. Put in the date and Ask Kanha will tell you which day it falls on this Pitru Paksha, and what to do that morning at home. It is free.

Find your day →